


Of red strings and lies

by Decayingrose



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, First Order Politics (Star Wars), Good parents Leia and han, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Abuse, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, The Force, slightly religious themes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-22
Updated: 2020-01-21
Packaged: 2020-12-28 14:51:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21138491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Decayingrose/pseuds/Decayingrose
Summary: Everyone has a soulmate, a symbol on the wrist and you belong to someone for the rest of your life. For Rey it's not that easy, what is she supposed to do with a soulmate that hates her.





	1. What's this Matron Maz

**Author's Note:**

> AN- Hello everyone, so this is my first fanfic in the star wars universe, to be honest before the creation of Reylo I wasn't massively bothered about the fandom but since I watched the force awakens I fell in love with the characters of Rey and how conflicted Kylo Ren was-till yesterday when i was writing this chapter whilst waiting for the rise of Skywalker trailer at 2:30 in the morning.
> 
> Soulmate au's are some of my favourite out there in any fandom so of course I had to write one
> 
> I will be putting a collage in each chapter and songs that I use to get me in the mood for writing at the bottom of the chapter.  
I will try and update once a week, maybe more if i have the time. The tags will be updated with every chapter.
> 
> Thankyou for reading.

Of red strings and lies

Chapter 1- What's this Matron Maz

_What’s a soulmate_

_It's uh... Well, it's like a best friend but more. _  
_It's the one person in the world that knows you better than anyone else. _  
_It's someone who makes you a better person. _  
_Actually, they don't make you a better person, you do that yourself - because they inspire you. _  
_A soulmate is someone who you carry with you forever. _  
_It's the one person who knew you and accepted you and believed in you before anyone else did, or when no one else would. _  
_And no matter what happens, you will always love them. _  
_Nothing can ever change that.”_

_Dawson Leery_

Soulmates are a strange thing, you are fated to be with the same person for the rest of your life, no side piece, on-off boyfriend, nope, nada. When their symbol appears on the inside of your wrist-that’s it, you might as well sign yourself over to them. Soulmates are a beautiful thing though, its someone who knows you inside and out, a shoulder to cry on, a deeper connection to another human being.

The instinctual need for a companion stops them from disliking or feeling any negative emotions towards you-at least that’s what Rey thought but then life had been strange often cruel to her, she had to be the exception to the rule. Poor misunderstood Rey, everybody thought they knew her but no one did. Rey’s soulmate hated her, she wasn’t entirely sure why but she knew it was that mercurial bastards fault and he’s stupid expensive iPhone that got her into this mess.

**10 years ago**

“Matron Maz, look, come look at this, Rey has been cursed by something” Rose’s shrill voice called over the courtyard of the monastery. Rose was a bouncy, bubbly girl full of life and an imagination that even all the great poets would be proud of, she was a small thing much like Rey, how could anybody so small be so mischievous.

Maz sighed and closed her book. All the girls knew to come to her before the other Matrons, she had more time to indulge their little fantasies, truth be told Maz loved her girls but her favourites were Rey, Rose and Paige.

More of the girls called her over asking for her wisdom on whatever was blighting Rey. She packed the book away in her clutch bag, the front cover was a fake designed by her personally to shield the contents of the book-it was a smutty, erotica titled “The soulmate wants”. If anyone found out she probably would have her entire bookshelf in her room taken off her. No more smut for Maz.

Her bones were like creaking floorboards as she got up from her very comfortable garden chair, she grabbed her walking stick and totted over to the girls surrounding a now crying Rey.

“Girlies what’s going on her, give me some space, all of you go find something to do” Maz used her best stern tone, she didn’t like to raise her voice but it worked and the girls scampered. Rey was sat on the floor near the swing set holding her wrist like it was broken, fat tears falling down her ruddy cheeks, she didn’t cry much, in fact out of all the girls; Rey was more emotionally cold and especially didn’t like people seeing her in such a state.

“What’s wrong my Rey of sunshine, let me see” Maz had special names for her three favourites, it was Rey of sunshine, pink Rose and Precious Paige. It seemed to work using her endearment. Rey took her hand off her left wrist.

On the inside, there was a faint red and black symbol, it was difficult to see as Rey had almost scratched it raw.

“Am I cursed, all the other girls say I am” Rey sobbed louder as she uttered those words. The symbol seemed to get brighter almost in response to Rey’s moods. Maz smiled, she knew what this was, but didn’t realise it would come at a young age.

“My little Rey, this is your soulmate mark, it means there is someone out there just for you, we just need to find them.” Maz had the largest grin on her face. Rey eventually stopped crying, she stroked her right thumb over the mark, dispersing some of the redness.

“Matron Maz, what’s a soulmate” Rey spoke quietly, afraid the other girls would hear her, she felt strangely possessive of the mark.

“I’ll tell you what, later on tonight when I tuck you into bed I will explain what a soulmate is, right now you need to get to lessons and then dinner”. Maz offered her hand to Rey to help lift her off the ground. Rey squeezed her little hand into Maz’s slightly wrinkly and cold hand.

Maz watched Rey run off with the other girls to the head matron. Maz wrapped her jacket closer around her, she was indeed feeling the cold.

Rey had daydreams about her soulmate for the rest of the afternoon and into the early evening, she was so immersed she didn’t notice the teacher standing in front of her desk, disciplining her for not paying attention and to get her head out of the clouds-but that’s where Rey wanted to stay.

What would her soulmate look like, she bet it was a handsome boy with dark hair piercing dark eyes, and a cute little smirk that would lighten up her entire day. Rey made the decision to draw her fantasy soulmate at some point during the night, when everyone went to bed.

The monastery was a large chapel attached to dormitories, luckily everyone got their own room that they could decorate and fill with all the things personal to them. Rey didn’t have much, she had books on engineering and maths that she was kindly gifted from a charity shop when she was brought in. Although her 9-year-old brain couldn’t understand most of the big words and weird maths symbols, she felt connected to the subject and Maz realised herself that Rey was more of a problem solver than a writer like Rose.

Rey wandered down the hall and knocked on Paige’s door. A slightly older girl that looked similar to Rose opened the wooden door. Paige smiled warmly at Rey and allowed her in quietly, they weren’t supposed to be wandering around the corridors at night and disrupting the others who wanted to go to sleep earlier.

Rey flopped down on Paige’s bed like she owned the place-well it was a nice thought. She looked around the room, art was everywhere, pinned up on the walls, on the desk and easel.

Paige was Rose’s older sister, she was in double digits the big 12. She was one of the oldest girls in the covenant. The other being a girl called Connie.

“Hey Paige could, I borrow some paper and pencils, I want to draw”. Rey asked bashfully, she didn’t like to ask for things.

Paige’s eyebrows lifted in surprise.

“Sure rey-rey but you even said yourself, that you didn’t have a creative bone in your body, what are you drawing” Paige asked. Rey looked down twirling her light brown hair, most of the time it was in three buns at the back of her head, but she leaves it out when its bedtime.

“Well according to Matron Maz, I have a soulmate symbol on my wrist and I wanted to draw what I think he will look like.” Rey answered shyly, she wasn’t sure if she should have told anyone but then matron didn’t say to keep it a secret.

“Ooh can I look, we’ve been covering them in class and I have never actually seen one” Paige was excited now, stepping over the crumpled-up pieces of paper on the floor, she flopped down onto the bed next to Rey.

Rey held a left wrist up for Paige to see, the redness from the scratching had gone down significantly and it was now possible to see an intricate symbol not just a red blotch. Paige grabbed her wrist and slowly dragged her little finger over the marking almost afraid it would disappear.

“What does it feel like” Paige queried. Rey pondered internally.

“Honestly nothing when you touch it, when I was crying earlier it felt warm and comforting almost like the other person was touching it at the same time” Rey shook her head at her silly ramblings-surely that wasn’t a thing that could happen, it sounded like magic.

“If you want you could have one of my sketchbooks, I think I have too many anyway.” Paige shuffled off to her bookcase and grabbed a little A5 brown sketchpad and some spare pencils. She held them out to Rey.

“Here you go, Rey-rey, let me know if you need any help, I can ask Rosey to bring a notepad as well next time and we can write poetry too”. Paige smiled sweetly at Rey.

It was 7pm when Rey left Paige’s room she quietly but quickly rushed back to her room, got into her nightie and hid the sketchbook under her pillow, ready and waiting for Matron Maz to tuck her in.

At exactly 19:30, there was a tentative knock on the door, Rey rang the bell that was hung above her bedside table. Her dark oak door opened slowly and Maz’s little face peeped round.

Maz wandered to Rey’s bed and sat down on the side of it. In another lifetime, she hoped that Rey would have been her biological daughter.

“I promised you earlier that I would talk about soulmates and your symbol” Maz took hold of Rey’s hand and softy massaged the symbol on her wrist, she looked at it inquisitively, the symbol was simple but held so much power, it felt like it could have been a lineage symbol but Maz didn’t recognise it, maybe it wasn’t local.

“Rey a soulmate is someone who you will spend the rest of your life with when you find them, I sense power behind this symbol, they will provide you with anything and you will be excepted into their family”. Rey’s eyes started to fill up at the mention of the word family, Maz’s heart broke, the things Rey had been through in her young life and the things locked inside her memories that not even Maz or the counsellor could get free.

“What if they don’t like me, I’m nobody special, what if we don’t have a connection, this isn’t a fairy-tale” Rey asked despondently.

Maz looked at Rey’s cute face with sympathy, such a cynical outlook on life at her age already. Maz moved closer to Rey and hugged her close, her weak arms enveloping the girls slim frame.

“My Rey of sunshine, it doesn’t work like that, whoever they are, they would be a fool not to love you, Rey, you are the manifestation of light and good things in this life, it might not seem like it for you but to everybody else that is who you are”

Maz stood up slowly and started to shift the duvet cover and plumped the pillows up. She bent down and kissed Rey’s forehead. She walked to the night light and turned it on, bright rainbow colours in the shape of hearts filled the room.

“Goodnight Rey” Maz whispered, to the quiet room, her old brown eyes filling up with overdue tears.

Rey stared at the ceiling and watched the hearts move around her room, her eyelids felt heavy-her drawing could wait for tomorrow. Rey sank into sleep with a smile on her face and a picture of her dark-haired boy with big, adorable ears in her dreams.

6 hours away in the city of Chandrila, a dark-haired boy woke up to an itchiness on his wrist and a sudden vision of a tan girl with the brightest smiles and the warmest brown eyes. A little smirk came to his face and he went back to sleep and dreamed about his mystery girl.


	2. Bloodlines

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN-Hello everyone, sorry i haven't updated in a while I have just finished university and obviously with TROS I've not really had anytime to write but thats no excuse. But I'm free now wooh so hopefully will be able to publish a couple of chapters a week.

A knock disturbed the silence of the Monastery corridors. Rose sighed and nodded off again, another knock came louder this time barging through the layers of sleep. Rose huffed she wished she had 5 more minutes in bed but she knew that it was better to get up now then run the risk of being late for her first class. She tilted her head to the little alarm clock, the numbers all wrong, it needed new batteries. She keeps forgetting to ask for some not that it matters, when she had Rey who was undoubtedly the one knocking on her door.

Rey was a light sleeper and a morning person, she was usually the first one out of all the girls up and ready before morning prayer and class. Rose swung her legs round the side of her bed, her orange duvet covered in cats still wrapped around her like a shawl. She tiptoed to the door and opened it quietly-well the last part didn’t work out so well when the small ball of energy rushed into the room squealing in delight.

“Rey keep the noise down, you might get up early but everyone else doesn’t, so just shhhh”

Rose brought her finger to her mouth indicating Rey to shush. Rey looked bashful for a split moment, her dimpled cheeks blushing at the thought of being a nuisance.

“Sorry, I’m just so excited to tell someone and you were the closest” Rey whispered swinging from one extreme to the other. Rose rolled her eyes at her funny friend, she always took things too literally.

“Rey, you can speak louder you know just don’t wake the entire place up” Rose said sternly, she walked back over to her bed and sat cross legged on her pink fluffy pillow before beckoning Rey over to sit beside her on the bed.

Rey wandered over to the bed only stopping to take in the amount of orange in the room, she knew Rose loved orange which Rey thought was strange because of her name, surely Rose should like pinks and reds. She sat down on the bottom of the bed giving Rose some space to sprawl out if she wanted- it was her room after all.

Rey peered towards the little bed side cabinet at the folded pages and the pencil sticking out of the orange notepad.

“What have you been writing, can I see” Rey asked excitedly, she loved Rose’s stories and poems, sometimes she thought she was the princess in them, her stories helped her imagine a peaceful magical world, unlike the one she had been thrust into upon birth.

Rose sighed at Rey’s innocent question, her head came down in a defeated manner. Rey watched her, concern in her hazel eyes.

“I haven’t written anything recently, I just don’t have the inspiration and I’ve had a lot on my mind”

For someone that was only 9 years old, Rose was very eloquent with her wording, sometimes she was difficult to understand but at least Rey knew some of the big words now, considering that she was being privately tutored by Rose, Paige and Matron Maz. Education and learning to read and write was virtually non-existent on Jakku-it was all about survival and knowing your place in society, well that’s what Rey thought anyway, her views were slowly changing the longer she stayed at the monastery.

“Well maybe you could inspire me, what did you want to talk about” Rose asked inquisitively.

Rey rocked back her hands coming around her drawn up knees and hugging them to her, it was a defensive mechanism, sometimes it was a subconscious habit to try and make herself as small as possible.

“Ok, but promise you won’t laugh at me” Rey muttered under her breath, her eyes suddenly finding her feet more interesting then Rose’s face.

“Why would I laugh at you, I would never do that to you” Rose grabbed Rey’s hands from around her knees and sandwiched them between her own small hands.

Rey uncoiled from her position and looked Rose straight in the eye.

“I had a dream about my soulmate” Rey whispered with a little hesitation in her voice. Rey searched Rose’s face for any judgement and found none.

Rose’s face lit up at those words, her own excitement making her feel more awake.

“That’s so cool, tell me about it” she said hurriedly.

Rey smiled at Rose, she knew she could count on her best friend to have her back.

“Well it was sort of weird, it was like a dream but not a dream”. Rey made a face trying to articulate words to describe the situation, truth be told she had no idea how to explain it to someone else.

“It was like we were both next to each other, I could sort of see him but I couldn’t see his surroundings”

Rose gasped her shock, it didn’t sound like a dream that she had ever heard of.

“So, what did he look like, did you speak, does he know who you are”

Rey giggled to herself, her friend was extra lively about this development more so than Rey.

* * *

“I think he was tall, it looked like he was sleeping, he had this dark floppy hair, but even then, that’s a guess, it was like looking through a keyhole with a plane of glass in front of it.”

“That’s such a shame but then again it was your first dream, maybe every time you go to sleep, it will reveal itself more and more” Rose pouted, of all the literature she had read, nothing could help in her friend’s situation, she felt quite useless.

Rey shrugged “It’s ok I guess, maybe he doesn’t know he has a soulmate yet and it will activate when he realises, but thank you for your help anyway, hey by any chance could I read that last story you did about the desert princess and the travelling prince” she beamed at Rose, her toothy grinned smile shining bright and shaking off the awkwardness of the conversation.

Rose laughed with Rey, this was her best friend, she was the desert princess. Rose watched Rey’s face as she silently read the story. Being like this enjoying each other’s company is all Rose could have ever asked for; she knew horrible things happened to Rey as a child-things that Matron Maz asked her never to bring up or ask Rey about, she was an enigma.

Rose looked back at her first day here. Their amazing and loving childhood had been stripped away from them when their country of Hays Minor was thrust into a conflict trying to declare independence from the Otomock system. They never knew what happed to their parents, Rose was optimistic still but Paige not so much. Rose remembered when Maz and her husband found them hiding in the refugee centre not far from the monastery, they were the only children that had not been claimed yet.

Rose and Paige were one of the first ones here at the monastery, now and again when she closed her eyes, she could see a tiny Rey, bruised, incredibly thin and scared wrapped around a soft blanket holding Matron Maz’s hand. Rose never regretted making friends with the painfully shy and weary girl-she knew their friendship would last forever.

Rey set the story down and smiled at her best friend. A loud knock landed on Rose’s door, Matron Maz’s voice could be heard advising them not to be late for class.

* * *

Rey parted ways with Rose, they were in different classes on Tuesdays, Rose was in the intermediate English language and literature class whereas Rey was still in the society and policy class. There weren’t that many in the classroom with Rey, the majority of the girls had moved up into the levelled classes.

The teacher was a lovely, endearing woman, she had red hair and piercing green eyes, she liked to be called by her first name, Mara Jade. Rey got on well with Mara as she was also her therapist here at the monastery.

Rey sat at the back like she usually did, she didn’t like it when people surrounded her. She spotted one of the older girls Connie, she usually spoke very softly and was shy around others. Mara wanted them to get on, something about shared trauma, but Rey didn’t know what that word meant. Mara started to write on the chalkboard, the tapping of the chalk gliding along the board grated on everyone’s nerves.

Mara turned to the class, her smile wide and friendly, her green eyes focusing on Rey.

“So today everyone we will be focusing on the soulmate bond and mark, your headmistress has advised me that it’s time to teach you this last topic and then you can all be awarded with a pass for completing society and policy and move up with your other peers.”

Rey couldn’t believe her ears if she passed this class she could be with Paige and Rose, and spend more time with them through the day. She pulled her leafy designed notebook and her feathery pen from the desk. The notebook was a gift from Rose for her made up birthday, Rey didn’t know when her birthday was, she had no birth record so on her first week of coming to the monastery, she closed her eyes and randomly pointed at a date on the calendar it fell on the 10th April-her new birthday.

Mara continued teaching the class.

“Soulmates are a wonderful thing in life but I will keep it simple since you will be told more information in your teenage years. Once a soul mark is present, the two souls form a bond and inherit some special abilities, like telepathy, location, force bonds and they feel each other’s pain and emotions, no one is sure yet why this happens but the director of the first order is conducting some trials into why it does happen to learn more, so maybe when you are older you can volunteer at the company”

Rey’s hand shot up.

“Yes, Rey what is your question” Mara asked

Rey breathed in deep, everyone in the class turned their heads to look at her, she hated the attention.

“What is a force bond” Rey said out loud, trying to regain her confidence.

“A force bond is where you can physically see each other whether that be consciously or unconsciously, you can pass items between each other even though you may be thousands of miles away, but you don’t need to worry about that yet, it won’t happen until you physically meet each other”

“So now class…

“Wait what about if it happens anyway even if you have never met” Rey interrupted.

Mara stopped teaching and turned towards Rey, she came around the front desk and leaned against it, the other girls curious themselves.

“It is rare that will occur, but not impossible, there are a number of bloodlines which have extra abilities to locate their soulmate. They are called bloodline families because these are inherited powers passed down from generations, the more lineage names the more powerful, there are a few in the world but they are scattered around, there once was a local bloodline family but I’m not sure if they are still around we are going back years”

Mara looked at Rey like she was a puzzle.

“Rey, I am aware that you have a soulmate mark, has this happened to you recently” Mara moved closer to Rey forgetting that there were others in the room. A flicker of something Rey had seen many times before crossed Mara’s face-Rey associated that look with greed and ugliness.

Rey stared intensely into her green eyes without missing a beat

  
“No, I haven’t Mara Jade, I was only curious” Mara regarded Rey for one last second and moved back towards the chalk board.

“Right sorry class, for that interruption, let’s move on to the criminal and justice system, so these can be some of the consequence if you lie…”

Mara trailed off still teaching the class, Rey wasn’t paying attention anymore she was too focused on overthinking everything that had just happened, what she said was true though wasn’t it, she had nothing to compare it to, maybe her tired self, made him up to bring her comfort during her dreams.

Rey looked towards the front of the class, her eyes catching on Connie’s concerned gaze, the older girl mouthed… _are you ok. _Rey nodded slightly and stared at the back of Mara’s head for the next hour.

* * *

When the bell rang for lunch, Rey took her food outside and sat on the blue bench next to Matron Maz.

“Yes, child” Maz’s said in her usual raspy voice. Her attention on the newspaper she was reading not on Rey.

“I **can** trust you right Matron Maz with anything” Rey whispered, her confrontation with Mara made her unsure.

* * *

Maz dropped the newspaper on her lap, her eyes looking over Rey’s soft little face.

“My Rey of sunshine, you can tell me anything and know that unless your life is in danger it will never leave my lips, what has shaken you”

Rey looked down at her banana, she peeled the skin off.

“I lied to an adult because I felt if I had answered honestly something bad may have happened, it’s the same feeling I always got when horrible things occurred in Jakku and now I’m not sure I can trust anyone”

Maz leaned back against the bench her brow furrowing in concern.

“Rey, would you like me to arrange an appointment with Mara, I feel like you have opened yourself up a little to me and I’m not sure the best way to help you”

“No, I don’t want that, it’s actually Mara I can’t trust, I feel like I’m restricted with her, I’m not going to her again and that’s final” Rey stubbornly countered.

“Rey these are quite serious remarks against a professional, I need to review exactly what happened before I go the headmistress on your claim”

Rey was about to speak again when loud girly voices entered the courtyard interrupting her train of thought. The other classes had finished for lunch and she could see Paige and Connie coming toward her bench. She smiled and waved at them.

Maz sighed, she wasn’t going to get anything more out of Rey today, she grabbed her newspaper and stood up. She slowly walked round the bench before stopping behind Rey.

“I’ll come find you at another time and we will discuss” Maz placed a soft heart felt kiss on Rey’s forehead, she knew it was against regulations but she loved Rey like a daughter. Maz leaned down and bit off the top of the banana before walking back to the staff offices.

“Heyy” Rey shouted playfully back at her.

“Lil’ Rey, what’s up” Paige and Connie sat down on the bench, their lunches already out on the table before she could say anything.

Rey looked down at their food, she always joked and called them big girl lunches, they had more food and it looked tastier then her silly banana, her stomach rebelled at the sight of the chewed fruit, she just wasn’t feeling it.

Paige brought out a sketch pad and some pencils.

“I thought we could draw your soulmate since we didn’t have time to yesterday, it will be fun and we have the whole hour to ourselves, what about you Connie do you want to draw with us?”

Rey totally forgot about Connie, strange that she was sat with them today, she was usually with the older girls or sat by herself. Connie only nodded in response to Paige’s question.

Rey took some paper and a pencil and started to draw the young boy she had seen. She remembered what Paige had told her to do, start with shapes and then add in the detail, 10 minutes became 30 minutes then nearly an hour.

“Alright let’s see” Paige asked gleefully. Rey turned her paper towards the girls, she hadn’t drawn much in that length of time but a work of art should never be rushed.

Paige and Rey turned to Connie, her cheeks were pinker in colour and she seemed frazzled for a change.

“Sorry, but I need to go to my next class, so I’ll just take it with me, see you later” Connie quickly got up from the table and rushed off to her class.

“What was that all about?” Paige pointed out.

“I’m not sure I think she’s been acting a little weird recently especially around you” Rey pondered, she was always aware of changing moods and heightened emotions.

“Hmmm, you sure maybe I should talk to her, anyway I should probably head off as well, I can’t finish this so do you want the rest of my pasta bake” Paige encouraged.

Rey grasped the lunchbox from Paige and dug into the pasta almost simultaneously and waved goodbye to Paige.

* * *

Maz watched from one of the pillars in the chapel, of the trio’s interactions, she couldn’t shake the feeling that Rey was right about Mara being a little untrustworthy however she would never let Rey down by going over her head and confronting the headmistress and Mara about the claims. She sighed her, forehead dropped into her palms, she was getting weaker every day before she only needed her walking cane for long distance but now it seemed to come with her everywhere she went. Her lovely Chewie would have known what to say in this situation but with him gone she felt dreadfully alone that it might actually kill her someday.

* * *

400 hundred miles away in Hanna city…

“Omg, omg our prayers have been answered, oh my sweet baby boy” A petite dark haired woman with intricate braids could barely contain her excitement. It looked like she was dancing around a very large open living room with fine furniture and expensive china. There were million-pound artwork decorating the walls and lavish curtains pulled back from a large bay window showing a thriving metropolis.

“Look sweetheart, I think you need to calm yourself, what did you say earlier to me it’s not befitting of a senator to lose her quote on quote shit” A gruff voice sounded from the opposite sofa.

Senator Leia Organa Skywalker Solo stopped pacing giddily and looked her husband/soulmate dead in the eye with one of her don’t ever question me stares. Her white dress stopped flowing around her as she sat next to the third person in the room.

“This is different Han and you know that, don’t belittle me, it’s such a momentous occasion, I mean how many children do we have, one, which means only one chance for grandchildren.”

“Mother, honestly stop reading so much into this, who knows she might not actually like me, it’s not like I have the best of personalities” A teenage voice muttered.

“Benjamin Organa Skywalker Solo, don’t say such things about yourself, you are my son so 50% of you is me and I have a winning personality unlike your father” Han rolled his eyes at her statement.

“Thanks princess” he countered under his breath.

Leia held her son’s face between her delicate hands, she looked deep into his dark eyes.

“She will love you when you finally meet and you will love her in return and together you’re going to make me lots of grandchildren that I can spoiler, capiche”

Both Ben and Han laughed at Leia’s antics. Ben stood up from the plush sofa even at the age of 13 he was a tall boy.

“Ok well whilst your deciding on names to call my future children, I’m going to chill with Poe and Hux and show my mark off” Ben ran towards the front door, the butlers pulled it open, he stepped outside into the cold air and smiled as he jogged off to the other boy’s houses.

Songs 

Hurricane- Fleurie

Fire on fire- Sam Smith

Ocean eyes- Billie Ellish


	3. Into the fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN-Thankyou to everyone that is reading this and commenting it makes my day. Sorry for the lateness of this update there is no excuse I am just lazy lol.
> 
> I will be updating more regularly now that I have the entirety of the plot written.
> 
> Just a couple of things-
> 
> There will be some time jumps in the few chapters, the force is a thing it’s an ability that the bloodline families have which will go into further detail, Rey is not a Palpatine because I refuse to acknowledge that.
> 
> The chapters will be getting more angsty and there will be triggering scenes which will be tagged accordingly. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy XX

“Sir Snoke, your ideology and your first order corporation have always been deemed controversial but in light of this new development; has rendered public negativity and split government votes-with many pro anti soulmate organisations backing you what do you have to say about these new allegations”.

The large 4K TV screen on the mantle flashed black. Leia stood behind the plush purple sofa holding the TV remote. She threw it down on the sofa before she wandered back into the kitchen. The potatoes were boiling away nicely in the pan, the mixed vegetables steaming next to them. Leia bent down with the oven mits that Han had brought her for Christmas one year and opened the oven, her face turning red from the heat and the steam.

Although she had staff that cleaned and watched over the house when she and Han were gone she preferred to do all the cooking herself. Today they were having a roast, an easy enough and large staple considering that they would be having guests over… unfortunately.

As Leia cut up the roast beef she thought about her family and the changes that would be happening to it, she knew she wasn’t the best mother, wife and sister sometimes spending weeks at a time in some foreign country playing at diplomacy. She thought about what her life might have been like before becoming the senator-if she had just walked away from it all.

She shook herself out of those intruding thoughts as she plated up the food and took the pans off the hob. She wouldn’t have met Han and then would never have given birth to her amazing son. Leia cherished her family-strange to think it would mean so much after her and her Luke’s disaster of a start in life. She wanted to make her little corner of this world perfect for her small family and hopefully extended family.

Just the thought of having a daughter in law brought a smile to Leia’s face, she would never give up Ben but she always wanted to know what spoiling a girl would be like, dressing her up in the finest materials and doing each other’s makeup and talking about teenage drama… but then again Ben came with his own drama

Leia spooned the vegetables and the potato onto the plates. All that was left was the gravy and the Yorkshire puddings and to put the apple pie in the oven. She wondered what it would be like to sit down with more family and watch as her son fell in love. But these thoughts would have to wait for an appropriate time when the devil himself was coming over for dinner.

* * *

Heavy steps came running down the eastern stairwell followed by a smack and an ouch. Ben walked into the kitchen his large hand clutching a red mark on his forehead. Leia chuckled to herself. She didn’t want to wound his ego by laughing in his face-she’d learned that lesson before.

“My boy, you are getting tall for your age and you still have plenty more years ahead of you before you stop growing” Ben frowned, his mother was right he did tower over people his age and many of his private teachers and family friends thought he was older than 13.

“Is that a bad thing mother, is it freakish” Ben asked innocently, although he acted it his confidence and self-esteem was usually low. Leia grabbed hold of Ben’s head, he had to bend his knees so he was eye level with her, she planted a sloppy motherly kiss on his forehead.

“Hey, eww gross, mummm” Ben whined, wiping the wetness off his head.

Leia smiled at her son’s antics.

“Ben, you aren’t a freak, you’ve just inherited the tall gene from your grandfather and father, and you haven’t grown into your features yet. My son, you are a handsome boy and your soulmate is lucky to have you, now don’t be a downer and set the table for our guests”

Ben huffed as he walked away.

The large clock in the kitchen showed 11:30 her guests would be here soon, they were always punctual. Leia grabbed the cellar key from the golden ornate key holder and walked down the little servant stairs to the wine section, her court heels clicking on the cold stone steps. Leia was a connoisseur of wine and could easily drink a bottle a night if her constitution allowed her to, she picked up an Alderaniaan red-known for its floral scent and it was always safe to have with it being on the lower scale of units, it was from her native country so she knew it was good.

She walked back up the steps to find Ben slowly picking pieces of the beef off his plate and scoffing them.

“Ben”

She swatted his hand away playfully, at least he had the decency to look sheepish.

Ben watched Leia open the bottle with the corkscrew, she poured him a small glass and handed it to him, he was only allowed to drink alcohol in the house with a meal according to his mother, but what she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her. His father probably knew and if he did he kept it to himself.

However, his face still cringed up when drinking any form of alcohol, the developing taste buds not used to the bitter aftertaste.

Leia was adding the last bits to the plates and cutting the apple pie into sections.

“Mum, how did you and dad meet”, the question came out of nowhere, this wasn’t the first time he had asked though.

She straightened up and gazed out of the large window watching the birds play in the outside water feature.

“I promised that I would tell you when you were older so that you can understand better and…and” Leia’s lips trembled he did deserve the truth but she didn’t want to hurt him.

“Your father and I met under bad circumstances, that neither of us could control, all I will say for the time being is that your father saved my life from a very dangerous organisation”

Ben hugged his mother from behind, he could tell from her tone that she was upset and he didn’t want to hurt her feelings by bringing it up all the time, he would let it go for now.

“I think it’s about time that our guests will be arriving so go grab your father whilst I put the plates down.

Ben nodded and left to find his father in the games room, he wondered what team were winning.

* * *

At 12:00 precisely the bell rang and the doorman opened the heavy Victorian doors and in entered Montgomery Snoke and his only daughter Bazine Snoke.

Leia stood up greeting them and helped them find their seat with Bazine sitting next to ben and Snoke sitting opposite Leia on the long table.

“How lovely it is to see you Monty and Bazine, you grow more beautiful evertyime I see you, Bazine.” Leia smiled falsely.

She hated this man with her all being.

“Thankyou Mrs Organa Solo and Mr Solo for hosting us, the food looks positively mouth-watering and I see you have chosen a good year for the wine.” Snoke raised his glass, a smirk on his lopsided face.

“A toast to everlasting friendships and bloodlines” They all raised their glasses.

* * *

Ben looked up at Snoke as everyone dug into the roast, he had only ever seen the man on the news or in the newspapers, to say that this powerful man was in their home was quite surreal. Montgomery Snoke was around the same age as his father in his late 40’s but it was difficult to say when a large and deep dimple was embedded on the right hand side of his face. No one knew exactly what had caused such an injury but apparently the best trauma surgeons had taken hours to graft his face, or so the tabloids proclaimed.

Bazine didn’t look anything like her father, she had mousy brown hair that curled down her back and her eyes were a hazel-green. She was also extremely quiet and shy.

Leia watched her son and Bazine, the young girl was sneaking glances at her son and blushed everytime he noticed her staring-hmm, interesting.

“So Bazine, how long are you staying in Hanna city for” Leia asked her.

Snoke cleared his voice, gave the girl a grave look and answered for her.

“She will be living with me indefinitely from now on, my mistress is no longer in the picture so she won’t be going back to live with her, you will be seeing my daughter’s beautiful face around quite often, senator”. His lip lifted in disgust at speaking her title.

Leia looked stern for a moment then resigned herself to the fact that she shouldn’t bring up old drama at the table.

“Tell me senator, where is your brother, I haven’t seen him for a long time and hoped to catch up”

“Luke is away on important business, it was very last minute he did want to come, but his business took precipice, unfortunately. You can still reach him at his place of work if you so deem it, Montgomery” Leia answered back sarcastically, her brother would never speak or work with the likes of Snoke.

“A shame really, I would so like to tap into his genius mind, but I no doubt your son is also very intelligent, must be an Organa-Skywalker trait not a solo one”

Leia looked like she was about to explode in anger at this retched man calling her husband thick. Han just watched the interactions between the two, not surprised at all with what Snoke had assumed.

He just sipped at his wine.

“Anyway, so Ben, my boy, tell me about your education and future plans, are you walking in the shadows of your mother’s footsteps to become a politician” Snoke asked.

“Umm no sir, I’d actually like to work as an aero engineer and become a pilot like my dad was, I’m being privately tutored until high school” Ben swallowed nervously.

Leia beamed at her son. Snoke looked more menacing if there was such a thing.

“You are going to a public high school then, why the sudden change, my daughter will be privately educated until she leaves for university to get a degree in politics, philosophy and economics” Snoke queried smugly.

“It was Benny’s choice actually, he would like to become independent and see what the real world was like when not in a glass bubble” Han interrupted, taking another swig of the wine.

“I see, well Ben, my company offer graduate and apprenticeship schemes for different sectors like aero engineering and a new private section which unfortunately I can’t get into details about but I would be honoured if you worked for me in the future”

“Thankyou Sir, that is thoughtful of you to think about me and of course will take that into consideration”

The silence at the table grew awkward, the clanging and scraping of the cutlery on the plate the only sound breaking up the dullness.

“Should we speak more in the drawing room, Ben why don’t you take Miss Snoke into the garden and give her a tour” Leia asked her eyes imploring Ben do as she asks.

He nodded in understanding and held Bazine’s hand in the crook of his arm as he led her outside.

* * *

They stepped outside and were hit by the slightly chilly afternoon breeze, it was days like this that Ben missed their holiday home in Naboo. He thought back to dinner, how awkward it was between his parents and Snoke, he didn’t understand the hostility and hoped he hadn’t made things worse for his mother.

He knew she didn’t like Sir Snoke at all, there were times she would turn the news off if he was speaking or throw the newspaper in the bin without even reading it if his face was on the front cover.

Bazine seemed nice though, she was super shy, but her father was intense so it made sense that she was introverted. He set her down on the bench near the koi pond, they watched in silence as the large colourful fish swam in between the water flowers and the rocks.

“I’m sorry about my father, he can come off strong when you first meet him, but he likes you I can tell” Bazine whispered softly, like she was afraid Snoke could hear her.

Ben turned to the girl and smiled, she was sweet, he could see in the future his soulmate and her becoming friends. He grinned at the thought.

Ben stood up from the bench and gingerly walked to the edge of the pond. He closed his eyes and focused on the energy within him, the flow of balance between the light and the dark, he breathed out slow as the force surrounded his body, Ben reopened his eyes and held out an arm towards the water and with the exhale the surface of the water rippled and a bright orange fish levitated from it, the tail flailing around, he dropped it quickly back into the pond before it died.

Bazine looked on in amazement, her eyes almost bulging out of her head.

“That was so cool, is that your ability” She pondered inquisitively.

“One of them anyway, this is my favourite though; I’ve been working on utilising the force like this for the past week to impress my soulmate”. Ben contemplated

Bazine inclined her head in surprise.

“Oh, have you met them yet, surely you aren’t old enough” she questioned.

Ben sat back down on the bench, his hand rubbing the mark absent mindedly as if he could feel her presence.

He wondered what she would make of his abilities, he had others, some pleasant, others not so-would she be afraid of it or is it likely that she would have her own gifts, he only knew of bloodline families carrying special gifts but he could be mistaken.

“I haven’t met her yet, I guess I am still young but my grandfather met my grandmother when he was 9 so maybe it’s in my genes” he chuckled a little.

“I would like you to be friends with her when we finally meet”

Bazine was taken back by his generosity and kindness.

“That would be nice, I’d like that, I enjoy your presence and I guess I don’t have many female ones so I be perfectly ok with knowing more.

For the next hour, they told funny stories and laughed like true friends, he showed her more of his force abilities and in return she told him about events like the Pasaana festival of ancestors.

Leia watched on from the kitchen window, Snoke had left a little while ago, Bazine was a nice girl although there was something else but Leia would give her the benefit of the doubt.

* * *

The monastery

“Noooo, come back, ahhh.”

Rey listened to her younger voice over and over again like a song on repeat, her eye’s moving rapidly under the lids, her nose scrunched up in annoyance, she grabbed the duvet and held it closer to her chest like a shield. She could still feel the gross hand on her slender wrist dragging her away from the helicopter, if only she could remember the logo on the side of it.

She desperately tried to wake herself up from the dream, knowing what happens after she is left with Unkar Plutt. Little tears dripped down her cheeks into the pillow, her hands unconsciously pulling at her hair and her knees curled in towards her chest-she needed to make herself small, he wouldn’t find her like this. A scream was caught in her throat as a huge warm hand clasped hers and pulled it away from her head.

“No, No, please…please…please” she uttered deliriously.

A soft finger cradled her little cheek and stroked the tears away. Her dream changed suddenly to her room and a shadow in the shape of a person crouched next to her bed.

The voice sounded like a whisper, she could barely hear it.

“Its ok, I’m here now and I’ll protect you from those bad dreams, I promise…You’re not alone” soft lips tentatively touched her hand.

“Neither are you”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN-For any of you wondering, Rey is not sexually abused or assaulted in this story however she is treated like a slave and is abused in flashbacks, just to clear this up.
> 
> Songs for inspiration
> 
> Speak to me- Amy Lee
> 
> Fix you-Coldplay
> 
> When I was younger-Liz Lawrence
> 
> Also for the mood board I used the actress that played young Rey, Anna Brewster who plays Bazine Netal and Andy Serkis who was Snoke's motion actor


	4. Silence is bliss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN-
> 
> Thankyou to all my lovely readers, I am so grateful for all the comments and kudos.
> 
> This chapter was going to have more content but the word count was getting high so the second part of this chapter will be up soon as chapter 5.
> 
> The tags will be changing but I will start putting tags in individual chapters. 
> 
> This chapter is very gritty and has past abuse, homophobic and sexist thoughts and language and implied self harming. so please be wary of that later on.
> 
> Also this is a slow burn fic, the childhood's of all the characters do have a major impact on their personalities and ways of thinking later on in the story.
> 
> Thankyou for reading. i hope you enjoy  
xx

Chapter 4-silence is bliss

Time skip 6-months

Rey’s little eyelids fluttered open, she let out a soft yawn as she stretched her tan arms towards the ceiling. Good thing it was the weekend otherwise she would have missed her first lesson, she’d been sleeping in longer and longer hoping to keep the contact with her soulmate. The idea of more than 4 hours of sleep would have seemed repulsive and silly if she was back in Jakku, but she wasn’t and it had taken since moving to the monastery that there were no demons going to barge through the door.

Rey would have liked another couple of hours in bed but a quick knock sounded at her door dashing her hope.

“Yes, who is it” Rey shouted from her very comfortable warm duvet, it wasn’t like her to be lazy but she just couldn’t be bothered to move.

The silver door knob twisted right and then left, a thin line of light from the hallway creeped into her room. Rose and Paige entered both looking incredibly giddy and joyful for a Saturday. Paige stayed by the door, her arm leaning on the frame. Rose ran into the room and plonked down clumsily on the foot of the bed.

“Come on, come on get up Rey” Rose bounced up and down trying to annoy Rey out of bed.

Rey hid under the duvet, if she just closed her eyes and imagined somewhere else maybe Rose would leave her alone and allow her to go back to sleep. Then the cold seeped in…

Rose pulled the duvet off Rey’s body, scrunched it up into a ball and threw it across the room where it landed in a heap on the floor.

“Uhh fine, I’m getting up” Rey pouted and crossed her arms over her chest as a sign of rebellion.

Rose laughed at her friend’s indignant face, she grabbed Rey’s hand and nearly twisted the arm out of her shoulder socket with how fast she pulled.

Rey sighed in annoyance and clambered to her feet, her hand was held tightly by her friend, probably to stop her from making a run to it back to her bed. Rose marched her to the door where her sister was waiting.

They walked her down to the common room which was the social area of the church, Rey thought that was odd, they always had their breakfast and morning prayer in the hall-they were told off for eating in the common room. The hallway was silent, not a peep could be heard from the other bedrooms, where was everyone, Rey thought.

Paige walked ahead of them at a considerable pace, she had an important job to do, she knocked once then twice at the closed common room door and waited for the girls to catch up.

Rose grinned a toothy grin at her sister, everything was going according to plan. She twisted Rey around to face her.

“Hey, could you, close your eyes for a minute” Rose asked loudly. Rey sighed again, what was with the secrecy this morning, she hated not knowing things. But she did as she was told and promptly shut her eyes, she felt slightly disorientated as Rose manoeuvred her body.

* * *

“Ok open”

Rey slowly opened her eyes and was met with a crowd and a shout of ‘Happy Birthday’. She gasped in surprise, she had totally forgotten that today was her birthday easy enough to do when she didn’t really have one.

She’d never had a surprise party before, and to say she was overjoyed would be an understatement. The common room had been transformed, silver balloons hovered in the air displaying a large 1 and 0. There were glittery happy birthday banners hanging from the corners of the room.

The table had little party favours, paper plates and cups with delicious looking hand food and on the old sofa were boxes and oddly shaped items wrapped in colourful and pretty paper.

Matron Maz waved her over from her seat in the corner, in her hands was a digital camera. She waved and smiled at Maz. Hands grabbed at her shoulders and pushed her towards the sofa where the presents sat. Girls surrounded her pushing presents into her small hands, it was overwhelming to say the least. The room filled with shrill laughter and a cacophony of open mine first and no mine.

Rey would be practical about this and open the smallest first, then on to the medium sized ones then the large ones followed by the cards. Some of the presents were so beautifully wrapped, she didn’t want to open them.

The smaller presents consisted of jewellery, hair accessories, charms and chocolate. She thanked all the girls and the other matrons for their contribution. Some of the girls she didn’t know very well but she was still grateful that they had thought about her-it was nice being in someone’s thoughts for a change.

Most of the medium sized presents were books or stationary sets, Connie had gotten her a book on soulmates and abilities. Rey hugged the older girl. And lastly the presents left on the sofa were the bigger boxes she could only assume these were more expensive and probably came from the matrons and the leaver girls. Rey quickly opened the closest box to her it had cute pink, shimmery wrapping paper and a nice little bow, inside the box were a pair of yellow boots, she had been wanting them since she saw them on one of the older girl’s feet, dr martens they were called. Rey hugged Jessica, the girl who had brought them, she was a leaver so would only be around for another month before she left for college.

In the next box was a large plushie toy-it was her favourite animal; a Porg. Its fake fur was so soft she felt like she was stroking the real thing. Rey blinked her tears away, this was her first plushie toy and she just knew deep down that nothing else would replace this. The final large box contained different types of clothes-her eyes wandered to the multi-coloured sequined dress, her gaze met Head matron Holdo, the older woman only nodded in acknowledgement.

This birthday was turning out to be many firsts, Rey could only hope this would happen every birthday. Rey was the last to sit at the table, the others had already began eating the party food, she grabbed as much food as her hands could carry without dropping. To say Rey loved food was an understatement, maybe it was a subconscious thing her mind did assuming it would be a while since she next ate or so Mara jade says-it had something to do with poverty and being deprived but she just shrugged it off it’s not like she knew what any of those words meant.

At precisely 12 pm the lights were flicked off and the older girls carried a caterpillar cake with 10 lit candles-this would be the second time she’d had birthday cake and she always loved the part where she would make a wish. it was placed in front of her and everyone sang happy birthday. Rey made her wish as she blew the candles out.

* * *

It was another couple of hours until people started to depart, leaving Rey, Paige, Rose, and Maz in the common room. Paige was the first to come up to Rey, her hands holding a large piece of paper.

“Hey Rey, happy birthday, sorry it’s not wrapped but I didn’t want to ruin it” Paige broadcasted. Rey took the paper into her hands and her eyes widened almost comically, it was a very detailed drawing of the trio. She hugged Paige tight small tears lining her eyes, it was truly beautiful and something she would cherish forever.

Rose was the next to step up to Rey like her sister she had a present in her hands. It looked like a wad of paper stapled together. Rey flipped through it, she recognised the story of the desert princess but the illustrations were new, Rey looked up to Rose for an explanation.

“I know how much you like that story so I asked Paige to draw you and your image of your soulmate as the princess and the prince” The girls hugged lovingly, Rey wanted to hold onto her best friend and never let her go.

The sisters skipped off to evening prayer leaving Rey with Maz who was still sat in the corner, she had her little digital camera out on her lap. Rey hopped over and sat on the floor next to Maz’s feet.

Maz stroked Rey’s soft brown hair and patted her cheek.

“Did you enjoy your birthday, my Rey of sunshine”

Rey smiled up at her favourite person, she nuzzled her head further into the hand that was stroking her hair.

“I did it was the best birthday ever, I got so many nice things but I like Rose and Paige’s present best”

Maz chuckled at Rey’s enthusiasm, this girl deserved everything nice in the world she thought.

“I’ve been taking pictures all day so if you ever want to make a scrapbook or look back on these memories, it’s all on here, anyway are you ready for your last present”

Maz took hold of Rey’s smaller hand and placed a small round thing in the centre, Rey looked down at her hand, it was a gold ring with a simple round diamond on it. Rey looked up at Maz perplexed.

“It was my wedding ring but I want you to have it now”

Rey placed it on her middle finger, it was a little too big for her but she’d grow into it. Maz stood up awkwardly and hobbled out of the room retiring for the night. Rey watched her go, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion, Maz seemed to get older and weaker with every day. Rey hoped it wasn’t anything serious.

* * *

Rey jolted upwards quickly with Rose prodding her, she’d fallen asleep at her desk again, she couldn’t help it, her sleep was disturbed by dreams of the future. In class, they were currently discussing high schools, the matrons didn’t teach past the age of 12, some of the older girls were already at high school and Jessica had recently left to go to college, they classed her as an independent now.

Rey remembered Jessica leaving, it seemed very quick; not enough time to say goodbye. Rey hoped her leaving wouldn’t be like this. The driver for the monastery had picked Jess up with her meagre belongings and had driven her to the train station, it was unlikely that she would ever see her again.

Head matron Holdo kept talking about the enrolment process at high school either not caring or not noticing Rey falling asleep in class. She was bored with this already, Rey had signed the paperwork for her to go to the closest high school which was only 20 minutes away and boys went to it as well, Rey giggled at her thoughts; maybe her soulmate was at this school.

The class was interrupted by two shocked gasps, Rey quickly turned to Rose to see if she was ok. Rose and Paige were both looking down at their wrists-they had soulmate marks. Holdo and the other girls crowded around them watching the marks grow darker until they looked similar to hers. Rey pouted, she knew it was inevitable but she liked being the only one out of her friends with the mark-hers was better though, nevertheless she was happy for them.

* * *

Connie was working on her application form when it happened, in the corner of her eye she could see the clear outline of a mark, it would have looked beautiful if it wasn’t interrupted by thin white lines that covered her wrist. Her head dropped into her hands in defeat, she should have known, should have pieced it together.

Connie had prophetic dreams, it was her only ability she had, most of the time the dreams were useless, always coming in strange images and symbols. She was instantly taken back the first time she felt like this.

* * *

Flashback 5 years ago

Connie always had a rough relationship with her parents, they were extremely strict and traditional, she knew they were sometimes wrong with their beliefs but she loved them anyway like a child should love their parents. They always had enough, not rich and not living in poverty, although she was an only child, they didn’t spoil her, doing that would make her father look weak and apparently doing so would be too doting-she respected his decision of not spoiling her there was nothing she wanted in particular just to be understood.

It was another year when she finally found a word for what her father was-a sexist misogynistic man, he went to a group on Fridays that poisoned his mind about women and that night was also the first time she witnessed a strange man coming out of her mother’s bedroom-someone who definitely wasn’t her father. That was also the beginning of worst things to come.

Home life wasn’t cruel or abusive but it no longer felt like a home, she was sad and unloved with her parents but loved by her friends at school, so most nights she stayed at the evening club at her school. Her best friend was a girl called Anna, she was her rock, her reason for being.

It was on her 14th birthday when she realised that she looked more closely at Anna and the other girls at her school then she ever did at boys. But to her this was normal. Not so to her parents.

Her home life had been steadily getting worse, her sadness overtaking the majority of the nights she was there, her room felt like the only safe haven. Connie couldn’t understand the thoughts going around in her head-they felt dark and unwarranted but they were hard to get rid of. Her father had become emotionally and mentally abusive always saying that women were only good at one thing and they should be grateful that hardworking men put up with them; amongst other things. He was never physically violent not to her or her mother-who was slowly killing herself with the amount of alcohol she consumed on a daily basis. She needed a release like her mother but it couldn’t be alcohol or drugs she was too young. And then another thought occurred, she had a razor in her room and she found her release.

* * *

For months, she kept her unusual and dangerous habit to herself, not that her parents cared but her friends might. The day she was found out was her final day in the house. Anna sat next to her on the sofa, her mother was upstairs sleeping and her father was at work. They were doing homework, always so careful to keep them hidden, she slipped up her sleeve and it moved towards her elbow revealing the new and the old lines.

Connie could never remember what Anna said to her, the only thing she wanted to forget was the kiss that came afterwards. It was her first, it ended quickly but obviously not quick enough.

Her father came through the door, and her lips were still on Anna’s. Connie always repeated the words her father had thrown at her after Anna’s’ departure; in moments of weakness to remind herself.

“You fucking stupid whore, I won’t have a homo in my household, fuck off, I’m not having you spread your aids and that disease around, if you like pussy and can’t make babies then your worthless to society”

Her eyes stung with the memory of her father throwing glass, plates, knives anything he could get his hands on at her head. Her hand reached up to the dimple on her forehead where the large vase at smashed against it.

She was crying now not from the pain but the knowledge that she would never see Anna again.

She was pure instinct, running out of the house at full speed anything to get away from the pain. She ran and ran until her feet stopped her at the resistance headquarters. A smooth warm hand cupped her cheek and she fell apart in the woman’s arms. Her head still bleeding profusely. It was dark after that.

The week that followed could only be classed as bizarre, she had a new home in a beautiful monastery, her head had been patched up it didn’t even bother her anymore. The door to her new room opened and her saviour stepped through them.

“I realised that we haven’t actually been introduced, this week has gone so quick and your health was the number one priority, it says here that your name is Kaydel”.

Connie looked the woman in the face.

“I don’t want to be associated with my old life, I’d like to change my name to Connie.”

“Very well. We will make the changes, I hope you enjoy it here, Connie, we have a qualified therapist on site if you ever want to talk about anything. And my name is Maz”

* * *

The years that followed Connie were the best of her life, although she would never be normal, she stopped her habit and focused on her studies and helping new girls get acquainted with living at the monastery. Her dreams had been plagued with colourful, vivid images some were in the forms of nightmares, and others bliss, she always saw brushes and art in her dreams but never understood why.

Until now when she knew whose mark was on her wrist, and the only thought she had before she covered it up with her sleeve was that Paige couldn’t know, it would destroy them both.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs
> 
> Sleep baby sleep-Broods
> 
> In the wood’s somewhere-Hozier
> 
> She used to be mine-Sara Bareilles
> 
> Moodboard created by me
> 
> Young Rey-Cailey Fleming (the actress)  
Rose- Kelly Marie Tran  
Paige-Veronica Ngo  
Connie- Billie lourdes  
Maz-Michelle Gomez (because i love her).

**Author's Note:**

> Songs used for inspiration
> 
> Not about angels- Birdy
> 
> Castles acoustic version- Freya Ridings
> 
> The love you left behind- Michael Schulte


End file.
